While I sit here staring at the computer screen, the cursor blinking at me to start typing, I see an alert come up that there is a new post to be read.
Since I’m having a hard time with a bit of the ol’ writers block, I decide to read it. Maybe this story will unlock something in my brain and help me out.
Like a other stories I’ve read recently, it starts of with a statement:
“I’ve been struggling with my posts lately…”
The blogger continues on about how she’s going to stop worrying what other people think about what she writes. She feels trapped in the expectations of her peers. She’s going to put her foot down and adventure out into what SHE want to do, and write about, on her blog!
Reading this statement multiple times, from different bloggers, only weeks into creating my very own posts, was surprising to me. I thought having your own blog was a lot like having your very own space, doing what you wanted to do with that space, and feeling free to express yourself with your own content.
I Was Wrong.
Apparently; even when we’re not directly surrounded by people, or even know who our fellow bloggers are, some of us still feel like we have to mold to what society wants.
I have to admit that this, too, has affected me on some level.
I read and re-read my posts, editing them multiple times. I’m afraid of grammatical and spelling errors. These errors can either make or break my story, making what I have to say useless, if people can’t get past the mistakes.
I also want to make sure that what I type out sounds the same as I hear it in my mind. Does my story make sense, in the way that I mean it to? Is anyone going to like the topic I’m writing about? I’m never in the mainstream of news or events, is that going to be a problem? Does anyone care enough to read all the way to the end of my story?
And the, once I hit the PUBLISH button, I anticipate the “DING!” of the alert on my phone. That sound has been one of only pleasure, for me. So, when I don’t get a “DING!”, I start to wonder why.
The peer-pressure of it all can be very limiting, if you let it.
After I Publish A Post, I Find Myself Asking
- Does what I say come across how I wanted it to sound?
- Will other people like what I’m writing about?
- Will anybody else care about what I have to say?
- Why has no one liked my post yet?
- Why are there no comments?
Many bloggers may feel free to do and write about that they’re passionate about.
Maybe some have finally found the freedom to feel comfortable and write about subjects that they really want to.
Others may be hiding behind the words that they think we want to hear.
With Good Reason
Maybe they’re concerned that what they have to say is too controversial. Or, maybe it’s too mainstream and so many people are already writing about it, or they think their story is too boring for others to care about.
And so they try to mold to what others think they should be writing about.
Criticism can be very hard to hear, crippling even, when it has to deal with the topics we feel passionate about, or happening in our personal lives.
Myself, I just want to share my stories with people. I want to find people who may be able to relate, and hopefully make someone else feel like they’re not alone in the odd things they do, feel, or think.
I want to express myself in my personal stories. I want to get them out of my head and into the Universe for others to hear. I don’t want to feel alone in what’s going on in my life and what I’m thinking in my head.
This blog gives me a shield of anonymity, only because I chose not to inform many of those close to me that I write.
Why? Because I Am Afraid Of What They May Think About It. Me.
I’m hiding behind my blog.
The anonymity allows me to have a sense of freedom in the way I write, even if it comes across the screens of those who may not like what I have to say.
I can understand that what another person feels or thinks may not jive with what I feel or think, and I’m o.k. with that. I’m fine with disagreements over topics, comments that may not be what I expected to hear, or differences in opinion.
What I’m not o.k. with is feeling like I disappointed my family, that they may not understand what I write about, or take it the wrong way.
Actually… I’m not o.k. with two things. The second being people who are intentionally mean just to be mean. Saying nasty comments that have no meaning behind them. Jerks. Trolls. Big ol’ butt-holes!
We All Have Fears
Fear is an understandable feeling that we can all relate to.
I hope that anyone who reads my posts, or sees my memes, understands that they come from a side of me that I can’t show others in person. Due to the anxiety that I struggle with when I’m around people I don’t know extremely well, I hide in my home. Not really having an outlet to get these thoughts out of my head.
I’m afraid of disappointing my family, so I hide how I truly feel, in the anonymity of my blog.
In this blog of mine, I feel free to TRY and express myself.
It’s still hard for me to open up, after years of staying closed. I’m still going to put myself out there for others to read; enjoy, or not enjoy. Others may understand, or they don’t. Others may judge, or they won’t.
I hope someone feels open enough to have conversations with me about what I write. I would truly enjoy having a conversation in writing, much more than than I would having a personal conversation with someone I don’t know. If that makes any sense…
If you don’t already, I hope you open yourself up to Your Blog. It’s there for you and your purposes, whether those purposes are selfish (which there’s no problem with, if that’s what you want to do), helpful, informative, personal, or whatever it is you want to talk about or show the world.
The world is filled with so many people, there are bound to be others who feel the same, or may be going through the same things, as you are and who need to read your words.
Maybe one day I’ll venture out of my house, or from behind my blog. For now, I’m enjoying the hidden freedom.
Wanna read some of life’s crazy moments from a mom that’s not quite sure what she’s doing? Head over to WhyMommaWhy.blog.
Thanks for reading!