Passive aggressiveness is described as:
Of or denoting a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation, as in procrastinating, pouting, or misplacing important materials.-Google
My Name is Amber, and I’m passive aggressive.
Can I really help it?
I’m sure if I was fully aware of every single action I performed, or sentence I stated, I could. But who has the time and energy for that?!
There seems to be a negative stigma around passive aggressive behavior. I hear people branding others with this personality trait a lot more recently than in years previous.
But, in all honesty, everyone seems to have been passive aggressive at one point or another.
Of course, I can be the “bad” passive aggressive wife when I’m at home,
Sighing when I’m feeling sorry for myself, or when I want to inform my spouse subconsciously that I’m tired of him forgetting to replace the garbage bag when he takes out the garbage, or when he leaves his laundry in the dryer for 5 days straight.
Or when I tell my husband “Nothing’s wrong!” or “No, I’m fine”, when in all actuality, we all know that something IS wrong, and no, I’m not fine.
But there is also the latter side of passive aggressive behavior, the “good” side, that I don’t think should be branded by such a negative connotation.
The polite side of passive aggressive, or avoiding direct confrontation.
While I’m at work, I often ask employees to complete tasks as if It’s a suggestion:
“Would you mind making sure that such and such a tasks gets
done? Since it wasn’t done yesterday ”
“Can we make sure not to do such and such any more? It’s going to eventually cause a problem if we continue it this way”
I think that when I tell someone to do something directly, I seem to say the words in such a way that causes the employee to take offense.
Are the employees being passive aggressive because they often scoff at my requests, or they don’t finish the tasks through to completion?
I work in a predominately female environment. Apparently women don’t like being told what to do.
Me, being a women myself, I can understand how this can become an issue. Just not in the workplace, and not with the person considered to be your boss (me).
It has become a natural reaction to the blatant retaliation, having my demands met with attitude, scoffing, and outright refusal to listen to my direct requests.
Has this defense mechanism worked? Nope, Not really.
Does the job still get done? Yes, to a point. But nowhere near the level of thoroughness that makes my heart happy.
Do I suck up my pride and take the half-assed job that being done? You bet I do.
Why? Because there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
I work in a privately owned business, where funds are tight, employee counts are kept to a bare minimum, and new employees are a pain in the ass to train. I’ve learned to pick my battles.
It may sound passive aggressive of me, but they’re only making their jobs harder and their co-workers upset with their lazy work.
I don’t really understand why certain passive aggressive behavior is considered a
bad trait to have.
Is it really so bad, when you’re just trying to be polite?
When you’re hinting that they’re going something wrong instead of blatantly telling them they suck at what they’re doing?
When you ask something of someone instead of demanding it be done?
I can understand why some of the behavior can be viewed as horrible when someone is resisting the demands of others, procrastination, pouting, or misplacing important materials.
That type of behavior sounds more like a disrespectful, lazy, jerk who has no concept of organization.
If I were to describe my meaning of passive aggressive, I would explain it as someone who shows that they want nothing to do with direct confrontation, they dodge being direct with jokes, questions, or beating around the bush, instead of just coming out and saying what they truly mean.
Or, in other words, they try to be polite in their requests, instead of coming off aggressive in their demands or statements. A way of asking someone to do something (maybe things that they should know need to be done, as part of being a decent human being) without coming off as being a dick for asking them to do it.
( -Sorry, was that a passive aggressive statement?)
In that respect, can people help if they come off as passive aggressive?
This is a note that was placed in a work break room. Yes, it’s passive aggressive, but shouldn’t all of the adults in the office know they should clean their own dishes?
Is it one person’s job to go around asking everyone if they’ve cleaned their cups at the end of the day? Or should the one responsible adult clean the dishes themselves?
Be a responsible adult and clean your cup when you’re done using it, or risk the damn notes.
I’m sure there have been meetings where the responsible party has asked that everyone make sure to do their own dishes. Maybe there was a previous note stating that same request. I’m sure that person was ignored, or even became the subject of rude jokes or comments, to the point of absolute frustration to where they felt they had to bring everyone’s mother into the equation.
It seems that certain passive aggressiveness, or politeness, is being judged. Can people not ask things in a polite manner anymore without being blamed for being passive aggressive?
Hi, my name is Amber. I have an issue with direct confrontation.
I do my best to avoid it at all costs.
I can often be found directly confronting my husband or kids, letting them know exactly how I feel or what needs to be done. But, get me out into the world and people scare me.
It’s scary out there, people will murder you over the littlest things these days.
Everyone’s packin’ heat, storing hidden weapons in their undergarments, or using their cars as weapons.
Sure I’ll yell at the guy who cut me off in traffic (from the inside of my car with the windows up. I don’t want to loose my life over a minor traffic violation)!
If my kids are in the care, that’s another story. Momma Bear will make clear eye contact and share words with someone if they’re driving around like an idiot. That I don’t tolerate well. Otherwise, I’m a pretty easy going person.
Is having a passive aggressive personality something I really need to be concerned about?
If you think you’re passive aggressive, are you concerned about it?
I’m just hearing it a lot more lately, the stigma surrounding passive aggressive behavior, and so I find myself becoming more aware of how I may come across to other people.
Isn’t that the way of life for most of us? Worrying about what other people think about the things we do or say. I hate that, I really do.
Being almost 40, I’m becoming less and less concerned about what people think about me.
I do continue to concern myself with how I treat other people. I try to make sure that others feel as though I respect them from the beginning, unless they give me a reason to treat them otherwise.
I don’t want to have to care about any more issues, the ones that shouldn’t matter to me enough for me to worry about, like if I’m being passive aggressive or not.
Though, if you think about it, wondering if we’re being passive aggressive may be what’s keeping some of us from becoming total ass holes to each other.
Wanna read some of life’s crazy moments from a mom that’s not quite sure what she’s doing? Head over to WhyMommaWhy.blog.
Thanks for reading!